Lately I have been struggling with acceptance.Â I am not sure if I am going through a mid-life crisis, however, I keep seeing my life pass before my eyes and I wonder…how did I get here?Â This isn’t where I thought I would be.Â But yet, this is where I am.Â I knowÂ I have regrets in my life and I wish that I had achieved so much more than I have, however, I also know and trustÂ I am exactly where I need to be.Â And I have done the best that I could with what I had.Â Despite knowing this I still feel angry and disappointed with myself and my life.Â I have been wondering how do I come to terms with this?Â How do I reconcile this conflict within me?Â I know I want to fully, completely and unconditionally accept myself which includes my past and present life.Â In my experience what goes hand in hand with acceptance is forgiveness.Â In order to accept I need to forgive myself as well.Â How does one forgive and accept…to that answer I am not completely sure.Â I am still trying to work it through myself.Â It is easy to say that one wants to forgive or accept themselves or someone, however, to actually feel it in one’s body is a different matter.Â I recently read a great piece from Melody Beattie’s daily affirmation book â€œThe Language of Letting Goâ€ helped me to understand acceptance:
We’re striving for acceptance in recovery â€“ acceptance of ourselves, our past, other people and our present circumstances.Â Acceptance brings peace, healing and freedom – the freedom to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance is not a one â€“step process.Â Before we achieve acceptance, we go toward it in stages in denial, anger, negotiating and sadness.Â We call these stages the grief process.Â Grief can be frustrating.Â It can be confusing.Â We may vacillate between sadness and denial.Â Our behaviours may vacillate.Â Others may not understand us.Â We may neither understand our selves, nor our own behaviour while we are grieving our losses.Â Then one day.Â Things become clear.Â The fog lifts and we see that we have been struggling to face and accept a particular reality.
Today, I will accept the way that I go through change.Â I will accept the grief process and it’s stages as the way that people accept loss and change.
I found this excerpt to be very helpful.Â It spoke to me and to what I have been going through.Â It has helped me to realize that I am going through a grief process in accepting my life and that I need to allow myself to go through the various emotions I am going through and to be gentle, loving and kind with myself as I go through this process.
I don’t want to sound like I am completely down on my life.Â Because I am not.Â As much as I know I am going through this process right now at the same time I am excited about my life and the path I am on.Â I know I am on the right path and am in the process of creating the life I want.Â I also understand this process of acceptance that I am going through is part of my process to move forward in my life.Â As I accept I am also letting go of a lot of stuff and am creating the peace and freedom I desire within.Â So I am going to continue to take things one day at a time and allow myself to experience and feel my emotions.Â And I am going to trust that I am on the right path.